Let It Go.

My brain tortures me .

"Chelsea . You’re a fat fuck .  I don’t even know why you eat . I don’t understand why you LET yourself eat . Your body is repulsive and although your skin is clear, your features are MUCH too large for your head . Your eyes are far too close together and your eyebrows are a mess . Keep packing on that makeup though . Oh, and keep eating those salads too ! It doesn’t matter if you don’t eat, or you eat everything in the fridge, because, regaurdless, your thighs touch, sweetie ."

Thanks, brain . I’ll think of that next time I get a shred of hope . Thank you for being honest with me in this world of fake smiles and lies .

I wish …

I just want to be tan and beautiful . I want my boyfriend to be able to wrap his arms around me dozens of times without ever touching my skin . I want him to be able to pick me up without struggling under my massive weight  … I want to adore the gap between my thighs … I want blue eyes, that he could look into and smile at the thought of and long black wavy hair that’s shiney and silky smooth . Straight, white teeth and a cute botton nose …  I want to feel like he’s sexually attracted to me without having to put on a show … Why can’t I have it ? Not just for me, but for him too, for everyone . <|3